Brian Brady ended his very light hearted comment on my post about Zillow losing its virginity to the real estate industry with this question:

Are you coming to Unchained?

The question was innocent enough. So I faked an innocent enough answer:

So, I wasn’t planning on coming to Unchained unless Glenn will let me off work. Glenn?

but I have a confession to make… I really don’t want to go to Bloodhound Unchained. Its nothing about Unchained. Its just that I don’t like conferences. Any of them. At all. I don’t want to go to Inman Connect or the 4Realz Education Seminar either.

Now I have to admit, I think this is a problem on my end. So, I have done some soul searching and asked myself, “What do you have against conferences, seminars, and the like?” Here is what my auto-psychoanalysis revealed:

• The advertising for conferences feels like an infomercial. “The regular price is $350, but if you sign up today it’s only $149.” I just keep waiting for a 1-800 number to flash across my screen and for a deep-voiced announcer to say, “but wait, there’s more. If you sign up today I’ll throw in this compact rotisserie barbecue that doubles as a Furby.” I just think to myself, if this is how they advertise the conference, what am I going to learn about advertising at the conference?
• I have gone to a couple conferences in the past where they made you pay to get in…. and then once you got in, it became clear that the whole conference was just about selling you more stuff. I have a negative psychological residual from these experiences.
• I don’t like meeting people. I like sitting at home playing World of Warcraft and never having to talk to anyone face to face. OK, I made that up… but I have to say that I take comfort in the fact that I’ve never had to meet my fellow real estate bloggers in the flesh. Weird…. I know. I have all of you painted in my mind as these saintly real estate technology monks, and I don’t want to spoil that image. Although I do kind of want to meet Athol face to face. He seems like he would be exactly how he is on his blog.
• I just can’t justify spending money on a plane ticket to Arizona or California when I could spend it on a plane ticket to Mexico…. and that’s the gospel truth.
• Can’t you just say what you’re going to say on a blog post rather than on a stage at some hotel conference room?
• I want to learn what I want to learn. I don’t want someone to preplan a schedule of speakers. I want to find out who’s good at what they do and then go buy their book, or audio CD, or read their blog.
• Spending all the money on hotels and airplane tickets and conference fees places my expectations of the conference on an unrealistic level. I think to myself…. “OK, I just spent a thousand bucks on this shenanigan. I want to hear the meaning of life… and want Jesus to appear…. and L Ron Hubbard…. and Shania Twain…. and then I want them to have a panel on “The Philosophical Impact of 1st Century Religion on Real Estate, Country Music, and Tom Cruise…” and juggle.

So Brian, there is my confession. Perhaps a delusion, but my beloved delusion nonetheless.